5 Tips to Manage the Teenage Crisis: He defies your authority sometimes even with violence, rebel, always reproaches you … Our advice to react well to the behavior of a teenager in crisis with Dr. Jean Chambry, a child psychiatrist in Paris.
Do not dramatize the transition to adolescence
Faced with the changes implied by puberty, your child asks questions about himself. His body changes, he passes from child to adult status without all this changing clearly and precisely. Caught in a kind of back and forth between childhood and maturity, he is in complete contradiction (both in his behavior and in his head). The appearance of his sexual factors changes the bonds of closeness he has created with you, because yes, he becomes an adult. Results: it claims its autonomy, it seeks to take distance with parental models, it challenges your authority, sometimes violent … However, on the other hand, he still needs you, even if it Feels misunderstood and prey to doubt. For parents, it is tough to position themselves in this double movement. However, having an insurmountable vision of the situation is not okay. During this crucial phase in building your identity, your child needs that you take a real look at him and that you feel up to it. “It is in the eyes that we carry on him that the adolescent is built and reassured,” explains Dr. Jean Chambry.
Be mindful of your child’s self-image
All passages in adolescence do not occur with violence or difficulty. To properly manage this period, pay attention to your child and especially to the image that he has of himself. “The intensity of the adolescent crisis can be predicted by her son’s self-confidence,” says the child psychiatrist. Indeed, if your child has a poor representation of himself, there is more risk that he feels insecure. It will, therefore, have difficulty finding the tools to deal with this period. It is up to you to try to cut this circle of anxiety by reassuring your child and showing him that you trust him (even if he sends you “boiler”).
Sometimes, when feeling helpless, a teen can take violent behavior or endanger them. “You have to differentiate a teenager who tests his limits and a real situation of danger” insists the specialist. The danger is present when a “boundary” situation is repeated. When you feel that something is wrong, do not wait to ask for help from your entourage but also to turn to a psychiatrist. Going to a specialist can put off your child, who will believe he has a psychological problem. Explain to him that you are in trouble with him, that you need to understand what is wrong, and that it would be good if he also came to express his point of view. If the teen still refuses, do not hesitate to go without him.
Accepting having the wrong role
Do not take everything to the first degree. Your child needs to devalue you to differentiate. It is his way of becoming an adult in his right, with his choices and his way of thinking. He needs to sort through what he likes or dislikes in you, and he makes you know. Courage! However, explain to him that he is entitled to be different from you without disrespecting you.
In some situations, it may be useful to settle things with some contract. “If he wants something, he must give himself the means to do it,” advises Dr. Chambry. By adopting this attitude, you will help your child grow and thrive. For example, he can go partying with friends because you trust him, but he has to give you the address and phone number of where he is going and tell you when he will be back. It is also a way of empowering it.
Be clear on the issue of prohibitions
A teenager needs a framework and limits. Even if they are different from those of younger children, they must be clearly explained. These limits are essential because they are benchmarks for your teen. Obviously, it is not because there are bans that your teen will not try to transgress them! In this case, you must sanction it. Take time to think about a suitable punishment. Sanctions should never be humiliating and avoid deprivation. Choose a possible discipline, something that he or she will have to do to regain your confidence (e.g., preparing a meal for the family, taking care of housework, etc.), so your child will feel proud “Successful” sanction.