How to renew dialogue with your mother?
Does your mom forbid you to go out? Does she blame you for clothing or dating? Her unhappy words sometimes make you cry tears … You are convinced that she does not hear anything about life! It is possible to build a true serene relationship.
The feeling of being misunderstood by her mother is common for a young girl. What is it that weakens the relationship between you and her?
The age of seduction
For a girl, puberty is especially the moment when she learns to value her body. Her mother usually accompanies her first steps in femininity and reassures her of her experience, but often it happens that relations then degrade. The tender little girl, who told her mother everything, gave way to a mute, sullen or aggressive girl who no longer confided anything of her emotions: going out with boys, first love stories … that ‘ Is the “time of secrets.” The past complicity has disappeared. The mother worries in vain about the metamorphosis of her daughter: the teenager, who seeks so much to please and to be loved, except at home!
Two women face to face
From the moment when the mother finds herself no longer a child but a woman-not yet an adult, nevertheless-centuries-old reflexes awaken: she is at first the protective mother who wishes to spare her daughter the disenchantments or The dangers of life (heartbreaks, risks of pregnancy and contamination by sexually transmitted diseases …). She often becomes a teacher of lessons for a girl who no longer wants to receive, feeling infantilized, and exasperated by what her mother is trying to teach her. Moreover, then, by attending the outbreak of another woman who nevertheless remains her daughter, the mother becomes aware of her aging. Like the stepmother of Blanche-Neige who did not admit that she was no longer the most beautiful, it sometimes struggled to bear this proof of her age:
Some keys to renewing the dialogue
Here are some tips to restore communication:
- To show to her mother that, even if she no longer occupies the same place of affection, she is not rejected for all that: one can not hope to have a comprehensive mother, sometimes discreet, sometimes listening, if one denies At the same time, its existence;
- Create a new register of exchanges with her mother (shopping, discussions on topics typically female or company …);
- Make your space and rhythm respected, but do not live in the family home or at the hotel. Even if she is more independent than before, the girl must participate in the domestic life, and not expect her mother to be at her service!
- Learn how to make the difference between what you can talk to your mother and what is in your private sphere. If you have difficulty expressing your concerns or your parents refuse to hear, there are professional interlocutors, starting with the general practitioner or the gynecologist, to talk and answer your legitimate questions.
There is no need to break with her mother to grow up or to compete with her; It is only necessary to clarify as quickly as possible the place of each one, to respect mutual intimacy. Unless she is confronted with an abusive mother, a girl will get more results through dialogue than through aggressiveness or silence.