Mother-Daughter Relationships: Fused Mother or Rival Mother?
It has brought us into the world, and throughout our existence, we are more or less intimately connected with it. What’s more complicated than mother-daughter relationships? Whether we adore it or share nothing with it, there is always a little something, even unconscious, that connects us to our mother. So friends or enemies?
The maternal bond
During pregnancy and the first months after childbirth, the relationship between the mother and her child is vital for the baby. If this fusional relationship is necessary for the survival of the newborn, it must rapidly evolve towards an individualization relationship. The mother must consider her child as a singular being and not as an extension of her person. Moreover, that is sometimes the point. For to become a full-fledged woman and to build her personality, one has to get away from her mother.
The fusional mother
Not a single day without having it on the phone otherwise it is the crisis. Even if you no longer live with your parents, your mother still has a hold on you, and both of you can not live without seeing you (too much?) Regularly. You share a fusional, passionate relationship. The risk? May this bond be placed above everything to the point of cutting you from the outside world (friends, work) and above all to prevent you from fully living your love lives. Confidences, advice you have no secrets for your mother. This situation may be unavoidable for a third party. Your affection is almost entirely devoted to your mom. You identify with it as it tends to identify with you. Difficult then to distinguish his feelings from his own.
It is time to learn to take a little distance. Needless to say, that sweetness is a must. Cutting the cord, even at age 30, is making her suffer and hence you suffer. This decision is nevertheless inevitable for the two protagonists to evolve in a better-balanced environment and to prevent this feeling of guilt which often appears in the girl about her mother and paralyzes her ambitions.
The Rival Mother
At the opposite extreme, mother-daughter relationships are sometimes conflicting. You talk little or nothing to your mom, you share hardly anything, and you rarely see yourself. In adolescence, the relationships were tumultuous and had never really improved since. If this situation is harder to manage, the underlying problem remains a need for identification.
The rivalry between mother and daughter originated in an unresolved Oedipus complex: to seduce her father, the little girl must at the same time take the example of her mother and reject it, since it constitutes an obstacle. If this phase is severely experienced by the girl, it may be that she feeds an unconscious resentment towards her mother. Finally, You constantly compare yourself to her and make sure you build yourself the reverse of your mom’s personality. Result? You never feel up to it, and your relationships are only misunderstandings, mutual reproaches, and involved. You have to resolve these detrimental and latent conflicts.
Finding a mother-daughter balance
To live her life fully as an active woman or not, as a lover and a mother, there are not 36 solutions: you have to cut the cord! The break must be done smoothly because, despite the dissensions, one needs his mother as much as she needs us. It is rare, even in a conflictual relationship, to cut the bridges completely. Learn how to balance excessively intrusive relationships with completely non-existent relationships. One does not have to hear his least confidences, but one can support each other and urge his mother to open up to others and to leave so that we can enjoy intimate moments. The idea: become an accomplice just what you need! Continue to evolve and remain serene at the dawn of becoming Mom without being tapped by the question: Will we reproduce the same pattern?
If, in a relationship too passionate or too tumultuous with your mother, you would not be able to impose yourself and find your place, calling on a shrink can prove very beneficial for your personal development.